NOAH TODAY

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,

who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a building permit."









"I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."








"My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."








"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a
bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear nothing of it."








"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"








"When I started gathering the animals, an animal
rights group sued me. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space."








"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood."








"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."








"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want to work."








"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience."








"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species."








"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."








"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky."








Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord.
"The GOVERNMENT beat me to it."

ROCHE ON ATTACK IN FRENCH RACE

Eleventh on day one, Irish road race champion Nicolas Roche went on the attack on yesterday’s stage two of the Tour du Poitou Charentes. The Ag2r La Mondiale rider was hauled back in the closing kilometres, however, and Jimmy Casper (Besson Chaussures - Sojasun) beat Jeremy Hunt (Cervélo TestTeam) to win the stage.

The peloton split slightly at the finish and Roche crossed the line in the second half, placing 81st and losing twelve seconds to Casper.

His aggressive ride shows that he is recovering well from a bad crash on day one. “My front wheel slipped on a corner and I went down, getting cut all over,” he told Irishcycling.com. “However I wasn’t affected too badly otherwise, and was able to sprint at the finish.”

Anthony Ravard (Agritubel) outgalloped Sébastien Joly (Française Des Jeux) and three others on that first stage, wich Roche fifth in the bunch gallop for seventh place.

Ravard continued to lead after yesterday’s second stage, ending the day 13 seconds ahead of Joly. Roche was 61st overall and, after the time bonuses were factored in, was 39 seconds back.

The 2.1 ranked race continues today with two stages; a 22.6 kilometre time trial in Monts Sur Guesnes, and an afternoon 98.5-kilometre stage from Monts Sur Guesnes to Loudun. The Tour du Poitou Charentes concludes tomorrow.

Roche is next scheduled to ride the Tour of Britain and then the world road race championships in Mendrisio, Switzerland.

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Tour du Poitou Charentes et de la Vienne, France (2.1), August 25-28 :

August 25, Stage 1: Chatelaillon - Plage – Aigre:

1 Anthony Ravard (Agritubel) 185.5 kilometres in 4 hours 18 mins 34 secs
2, Sébastien Joly (Française Des Jeux)
3, Jérôme Pineau (Quick Step)
4, Loïc Desriac (AG2R La Mondiale)
5, Michael Stevenson (Sparebanken Vest - Ridley)
6, Mickael Damiens (Eqa - Meitan Hompo - Graphite Design) at 4 secs
7, Jeremy Hunt (Cervelo Test Team) at 10 secs

Irish :

11, Nicolas Roche (AG2R La Mondiale) same time


August 26, Stage 2: Rouillac - Saint Maixent L'Ecole :

1, Jimmy Casper (Besson Chaussures - Sojasun) 185.5 kilometres in 4 hours 10 mins 58 secs
2, Jeremy Hunt (Cervélo TestTeam)
3, Guillaume Blot (Cofidis, Le Credit en Ligne) both same time
4, Alexandre Pichot (BBox Bouygues Telecom) at 2 secs
5, Steven Caethoven (Agritubel)
6, Fabien Bacquet (Auber 93) both same time


Irish :

81, Nicolas Roche (AG2R La Mondiale) at 12 secs

General classification after stage 2:

1, Anthony Ravard (Agritubel) at 8 hours 29 mins 15 secs
2, Sébastien Joly (Française Des Jeux) at 13 secs
3, Jérôme Pineau (Quick Step) at 14 secs
4, Michael Stevenson (Sparebanken Vest - Ridley) at mins 16 secs
5, Jimmy Casper (Besson Chaussures - Sojasun) at 17 secs
6, Jeremy Hunt (Cervélo TestTeam) at 21 secs

Irish:

61, Nicolas Roche (AG2R La Mondiale) at 39 secs

Points classification:

1, Anthony Ravard (Agritubel) 37 pts
2, Jeremy Hunt (Cervélo TestTeam) 29
3, Jimmy Casper (Besson Chaussures - Sojasun) 25

Irish :

21, Nicolas Roche (AG2R La Mondiale) 5


Mountains classification:

1, Anthony Ravard (Agritubel) 12 pts
2, David Lelay (Agritubel) 8
3, Christophe Le Mevel (Française Des Jeux) 6

Combined classification :

1, Jimmy Casper (Besson Chaussures - Sojasun)

Most combative rider classification :

1, Stéphane Auge (Cofidis, Le Credit en Ligne)

Green jersey classification :

1, Fabien Bacquet (Auber) 93

Zwizanski chases US pro time trial title

Kelly Benefit Strategies sends strong squad to pro championship weekend

Kelly Benefit Strategies' Scott Zwizanski is looking to extend his streak of time trial successes at the US National Professional Time Trial Championships on Saturday in Greenville, South Carolina. Zwizanski has taken time trial stage wins at the Tour de Beauce and Tour of Uruguay so far this season.

Jonas Carney, Performance Director of the Kelly Benefit Strategies team predicted an interesting race. "Zwizanski has surprised a lot of people with his time trialing this season, and yet people continue to underestimate him. He is a contender for the title."

Zwizanski will be joined by one other teammate for the time trial, Reid Mumford. The time trialists will race three laps of a 6.9-mile course.

One day later, on Sunday, the squad will field eight riders for the road race championships. Mumford and Zwizanski will race along with Neil Shirley, who was third two years ago and Andrew Bajadali, who finished seventh last year. Dan Bowman, new addition to the team Matt Busche, Alex Candelario and Cheyne Hoag will also take the start.

"This is the strongest squad we have ever started for the USPRO Road Race," said Carney. "It's a very difficult course and that can make it tough to have many riders left when the smack goes down. But Baj and Shirley have both been close in the past, and we are hoping that the depth of our 2009 roster will make the difference."

The 110-mile road race marks the the 25th anniversary of the one-day championship event.

Farrar dreams of Vuelta gold

American sprinter Tyler Farrar favourite for Vuelta's golden jersey and stage wins

American Tyler Farrar is a favourite to win the Vuelta a España's opening stage on Saturday and wear the gold race leader's jersey. The race starts with a 4.8-kilometre time trial in Assen, Netherlands, similar to the one he won in the Delta Tour Zeeland.

"I won't be easy, but I am hopeful and I am certainly going to try," Farrar (Garmin) said to Cyclingnews. "I had a good prologue at the Eneco Tour last week. I was second by three-tenths of a second."

After previewing the flat stage on Thursday with his teammates, Farrar said he likes it. He believes that he has a chance to win if the time trial is less than five kilometres, and anything more is territory for the time trial specialists.

He won the 2.7-kilometre time trial and took the leader's jersey in the Delta Tour Zeeland in June on his way to an overall race win two days later.

Farrar's form is where it needs to be as he has demonstrated by winning four races in the last two weeks. He was unable to win stages in his first two Grand Tours, this year's Giro d'Italia and Tour de France, but he is more confident for his third Grand Tour.

"I am able to come in more relaxed than the other Grand Tours," he said. "Plus, for the Vuelta, I am coming off the best 10 days I have ever had."

Farrar won one of the biggest one-day races for a sprinter, the Vattenfall Cyclassics, two weeks ago. His good form continued in the Eneco Tour, where he won three stages.

He predicts that five stages in the Vuelta's first half will end in a sprint. Although Alessandro Petacchi and Mark Cavendish will miss the Vuelta, Farrar looks to Tom Boonen, Oscar Freire, Daniele Bennati and André Greipel as the obstacles between him and his first Grand Tour stage win.

"There is also Matti Breschel, second in Vattenfall, and my training partner, Wouter Weylandt. But if everything comes together, I will be capable of winning one."

The 64th Vuelta a España, from August 29 to September 20, starts with four stages in The Netherlands before it transfers to Spain. Farrar's American Garmin-Slipstream team makes its European base in Girona, near stage five's course.

Fuglsang eyes Vuelta's overall

Saxo Bank's Danish star ready for first Grand Tour

After a series of strong performances in his first full season on the road, Jakob Fuglsang will start the Vuelta a España on Saturday with the intent of riding for a high position on general classification. The 24-year-old Saxo Bank rider's performances in the first half of the season have so impressed team management that Fuglsang's been given the green light - in his first Grand Tour - to see how he can perform over three weeks against the likes of Alejandro Valverde, Cadel Evans and Ivan Basso.

The young Dane has earned the confidence of Saxo Bank's directors through what has been a consistent and successful debut season. In July he finished sixth overall at the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré after climbing strongly to the mountain-top finishes at Mont Ventoux and Saint-François-Longchamp. His accomplishments in France were mimicked soon afterwards with a stage and general classification win at the Tour of Slovenia, before a second consecutive overall win at his home Tour of Denmark, where he also claimed a stage victory.

"We talked about it from the beginning of the season that I would maybe do the Vuelta, but then maybe only do the first two weeks and then quit to prepare for the Worlds and for the last races of the season in Italy," Fuglsang told Cyclingnews. "But now that it went so well in the first part of the year, we decided that, if I wanted to, I could try to go for the overall [at the Vuelta] and see what I could do for the whole race. That's at least my goal for now, I want to do the whole race see if I can get a good result there. Maybe it will change during the race."

Fuglsang's pre-Vuelta preparation included training in Italy at his Lake Garda home, followed by the three-day Tour of Ireland where he finished in 10th place on general classification. He told Cyclingnews that he hasn't prepared any differently for his first Grand Tour as compared to his preparation for the Dauphiné Libéré, apart from a slight adjustment last week.

"My form's maybe not at 100 percent, but I'm close," Fuglsang said. "The week before the Tour of Ireland I was feeling less fresh and less strong so I had to take it easy. I would rather have done some really hard training but I wasn't really feeling like it. That's the only thing I can see that didn't go according to the plan, otherwise it's been good."

While Fuglsang had to endure wet and chilly conditions at the Tour of Ireland, he prefers riding in the heat and doesn't expect the traditionally high temperatures in Spain to be a problem. "I like the hot weather, as long as it's not getting to be too much. Maybe there'll be some days where I'll be suffering if the temperature goes too high, like 40 [degrees Celsius] or something. I spend most of my time in Italy at Lake Garda where we also have warm weather. The week before Ireland we had 40 degrees [Celsius] every day so I tried to get used to the heat."

Not only is a three-week Grand Tour a new experience for Fuglsang, most of the roads in Spain will be unfamiliar as well. He expects to be partnered with an experienced teammate to help him through day-by-day. "I don't know exactly who it's going to be. I'll probably room with someone with plenty of experience, it could be that I'll be rooming with Kurt-Asle Arvesen."

After the Vuelta, Fuglsang, a former U23 mountain bike world champion, will contest the road world championships in Mendrisio, Switzerland as well as Italy's Coppa Sabatini. Depending on his condition, Fuglsang may also contest other post-world championship races in Italy including the GP Beghelli, the Giro del Piemonte, the Giro dell'Emilia and the Giro di Lombardia.

Regardless of what lies ahead at the Vuelta a España for Fuglsang, it's been a year to remember. "I'm really, really satisfied with my season. It's been really good for me so far-better than expected, I think. Nobody expected it to be this good and neither did I."